Sleep is all I think about these days. No, it's not MY lack of sleep that's constantly on my mind (though I long and dream for the day when I can sleep through the night again). I'm constantly trying to help Andy develop healthy sleep habits. I've heard so many people swear by the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," and I love and feel good about using the principles it teaches. So, I've pretty much been trying to do everything it says since Day 1.
He's never been a very good sleeper, but we've worked on one thing after another and he's gotten better. He now actually sleeps at night, which is AMAZING. I can pretty much plan on him going to bed about 7 PM and waking up about 7 AM (with a couple feedings in there). However, he's never been good at taking naps. They used to be about 15 min. long and we've worked to him getting to 40 min. or so. Anyway, I've been long awaiting the day we'd get to the chapter titled "Months 4-12" in the book, so that I could begin an actual sleep schedule and hopefully help him take more substantial naps. Part of that plan includes letting him cry it out so he can learn to fall asleep unassisted. We tried the Ferber Method of this at about 6 weeks (as the book calls it, "graduated extinction") but didn't have much success and decided it might be a little early. Now we're doing what the book calls "total extinction," where we let him cry it out as long as it takes at night without going in, and with naps we let him cry an entire hour before we'll go in. The point being that he learns that no matter how long he cries we won't come in, and he just needs to go to sleep. (I know some people think this is horribly mean, etc....but we choose to think it means we care about him enough to let him sleep, which is what he really needs.)
Before we started all this, I had lots of people tell me their experience with it and how it just took their child a few days to learn, and then they wouldn't cry anymore. Consequently, I had high hopes. (Although, knowing that Cam and I both were horrendous sleepers as children, I should have known better.) Like I said, night time actually isn't an issue for him. He maybe cries about 15 min. and gives in. But naps are a whole other story--we've been doing it for about 10 days and I am ready to pull my hair out. It absolutely breaks my heart to hear him cry. I spend so much of my day sitting on my bed (which is just about the furthest I can get away from Andy's room) with my door shut, with the monitor on, but turned all the way down, so I can see it light up to indicate if noise is coming from his room but I won't hear it. Sometimes he only cries for 15 min. before he sleeps, but it's not uncommon for him to go the entire hour. And even if he falls asleep, he'll usually only sleep for 15-30 min. and then I have to let him cry some more in hopes he'll fall asleep for longer. And I still worry about his night feedings. Should I not feed him at one of them so he'll stop waking up? But what if he's hungry? Blah, blah, blah. All I think about is his sleep. There are definitely times when I see some improvements, but I feel like they should be far more significant. I feel like he should have caught on by now? Perhaps he's just incredibly stubborn like his dad? He certainly couldn't have gotten the stubborn gene from me. ;)
Anyway. I know I'm an overly worried and concerned first-time parent. This is such a small issue in the grand scheme of things, but I swear it is consuming my life. I wish he would just learn to nap a little bit better!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. On a bad sleeping day, I feel as if I spend the entire day just wishing the day was over and I could try again the next day. It IS all-consuming.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely how you feel. I've been avoiding full-on CIO with Jacob and usually go in after 10-15 minutes, but I feel like I need to just go for it. Most of the time if I go in, give him his pacifier and a "ssh"-ing he goes right to sleep. The last week or so its like never ending if I go in too early. The last 48 hours have been particularly awful. 30-45 minute naps at the most. I think his 3-month growth spurt is coming to a peak and that's causing most of it, but I can't be sure. I can't wait to hear the advice others have. I know one of my nieces got the hang of it right away, but the other (they're sisters) took a lot longer and was really resistant. Point is, they both got the hang of things eventually and are well-behaved, good sleeping toddlers now. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI can't stand to let Milo cry for more than like 15 minutes either, because I worry something is wrong. I don't know if this will help or not, but our pediatrician told us once they reach 14lbs, they don't need to eat during the night anymore. So if he weighs more than that, you can probably start trying to skip a night feeding. Although I don't know what she considers to be "during the night" - if that really means 12 hours, or more like 6-7. I'm pretty sure I couldn't listen to crying in the middle of the night without trying to do something about it!
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing good. Just hold strong! And I say hang onto his longest stretch at night. If he has gone from 7 pm to 2 am before, then keep that 7 hour stretch and never feed him between those hours again. Then slowly it will become a 9 hour stretch, then eventually 12! If he does wake up and you don't want to feed him, I'd always go in, sing her one song, tell her it wasn't time to eat, and lay her back down. I don't have any advice about naps except don't feel guilty about letting him cry, he's such a happy boy all the time, he's not feeling neglected.
ReplyDeleteI also think you are doing good and should not feel guilty for letting him cry! They are smarter than you think! he probably is just a little stubborn!:) sometimes you need to just do what you find works the best, there really isn't a right or wrong way to do it. I just think consistency is the key, he will catch on eventually! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job!! And in my opinion, the right thing. That book is my sleep bible-- I still refer to it with my 3-year-old. The principles in it are right on and make total sense to me. Good for you for sticking to your guns and training your baby to be a good sleeper. YOU WILL BE SO HAPPY YOU DID IT IN THE END... and it will be worth it to all 3 of you.
ReplyDeleteWith Hannah it took her 1 month to go to sleep without crying. The first week, she would cry for up to an hour. It was horrid. But by about month 5, she was a champ sleeper. Has been ever since. Same with my baby. Hannah was also a terrible napper. Until she was about 6 or 7 months, the longest she'd sleep at a time is 45 minutes. When she was 1, she was taking longer naps. It was weird, but don't get too discouraged about that.
Consistency is key. You're doing great!
I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth... sleep is consuming my life! It's so reassuring to know that Andy ended up being a good sleeper :)
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